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"Fifty Ways To Kill Your Kangaxx"


Certified Kangaxx-Proofed Ethereal AudioKangaxx The Demi-Lich: Dancin' Fool

With heartfelt apologies to Paul Simon.

(Sung approximately to the tune of "Fifty Ways To Leave Your Lover," but with some liberties taken with the phrasing)

In old Athkatla in a house down by the dock
Lies an undead necromancer with a death trap on his lock.
If you should meet him you'll be soon deep down in rock
Sent by the Demi-Lich that they call Kangaxx.

If you're a brave one and your weapons are +4
And you've found the golden remains from the other tombs before:
With luck and skill you won't end up at Toril's core.
There must be fifty ways to kill your Kangaxx...
...Fifty ways to kill your Kangaxx.

So don't forget to pocket pick, Rick,
When he's just a plain lich, Mitch,
You'll get two Rings of Gaxx, Max,
Wear cumulatively.

You'll just get one to start, Bart.
And when the first lich is slain, Jane
He'll go to Demi-Lich state, Nate:
Act immediately.

Read your Protection from Magic, Vajic,
Or all read Scrolls of Undead, Fred,
But not until he's gone Demi, Remi,
Or he won't talk to thee.

Summon up a Wizard Eye, Guy;
Kangaxx can't imprison that, Matt.
Cast yourself a Spell Immune, June,
Abjuration's the key.

What sort of weapons does it take to fell this foe
Who's survived without a challenge since centuries ago?
Are they expensive and where do you have to go...
...To get rid of Kangaxx?

Some tools are pricey; perhaps you have no cash to spare
And you can't shoplift from Ribald as the Amnish Guard is there.
With all your abilities it doesn't seem unfair
To have a cheaper way of killing Kangaxx...
...Cheaper way of killing Kangaxx...

Wield the Improved Disrupting Mace, Grace,
Or the Sling of Everard, Gerrard,
You could use the Staff Of Rynn, Lynn,
Better than +3.

Knock him down with Crom Faeyr, Blair,
Or the Magi's Stave, Dave,
Could try the Withering Spear, Keir,
To kill him expensively.

But, the Carsomyr sword, Gord,
Soulreaver from the Demon Knight, Dwight,
Cutthroat from the tomb of Bodhi, Cody:
Can be had for free.

So make all the snares you can, Dan,
And every Fire Elemental, Yentl.
Get Hasted and Berserk, Kirk,
For 55K X.P.


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